


it's gravity that's been getting us down

by majesdane



Category: Skins (UK) RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-04-17
Updated: 2009-04-17
Packaged: 2017-12-06 14:12:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/736572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/majesdane/pseuds/majesdane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>"Fuck off, Megan. I'm Emily. Fucking Emily Fitch."</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	it's gravity that's been getting us down

i hope they make you happy. that's what i'll say.  
\-- _pleasefindthis_

 

 

"Kat's dangerous," Meg says, blowing smoke into the hot summer air.

"Yeah?" Lily looks down at her shoes, leaning forward over the rail, exhaling a mouthful of smoke.

Megan flicks what's left of her fag away, over the side of the balcony of the hotel room the three of them are sharing, doesn't say a word. It's too complicated to explain with words. She just feels that it's worth giving Lily some kind of warning.

 

;;

 

Just because she doesn't talk as much as Kathryn, isn't quite as loud or sociable as her, doesn't mean she doesn't pay attention, doesn't mean she doesn't notice things. (At times, Megan fancies herself to be like Effy in that regard; she's a lot like Katie, perhaps too much, but that's not just who she is.)

She sits beside Kat during the read through of the latest script, watches as Kat finishes her line, her hand falling to the side, settling on Lily's knee. Lily flinches at the touch (only just barely, but enough for Meg to notice). And she notices too, when Lily relaxes, her sigh of relief, the knowing way the corners of her mouth turn up, the slightest hint of a smile. Megan watches them, watches Lily, her fingers curling and uncurling into a tight fist, and she just _knows_ that Lily is desperately fighting the urge to not put her hand on top of Kathryn's.

And of course, because she's watching them, she's not reading along in the script.

She completely misses her line, laughs and blushes and manages to stammer it out after a moment or two of awkward fumbling, feeling stupid and ridiculous. She hates feeling like that; it makes her feel so unsure, so self-conscious. (Too much like Katie, too much.)

Kathryn nudges her in the ribs, rolls her eyes; second-hand embarrassment.

 

;;

 

"I'm not Katie," she says, firmly, taking a long drag of the spliff before passing it over to Kathryn.

Kathryn sighs, takes a hit, sighs again. "Yeah, so what?"

"You're not Emily."

Kathryn rolls her eyes, takes another drag of the spliff. She closes her eyes and falls back onto the bed, grinning. Megan falls back onto the bed with her, rolls over onto her side so that she can look at Kat properly. It's been a long time, she thinks, since they've done this, get high together. Been even longer since they've been in each others rooms. She looks at the writing on the wall above Kathryn's bed, the books on shelves with the pages facing out, the spines hidden.

She wonders what Kathryn has to hide.

 

;;

 

She doesn't think it's a good idea at all, them going out together.

It's not that she doesn't approve (well, she sort of doesn't) or that she doesn't like Lily (because she really does, honestly, she thinks Lily's fantastic), it's just that she doesn't want to be stuck in the middle when this all becomes a mess. (And it will become a mess, she's sure of it, it's only a matter of time, really, no matter what she says or tries to do.)

At the club, Lily sits over at the bar nursing her rum and Coke and watching Kathryn dance. It's almost pathetic, really, Megan thinks, coming out of the bathroom and wiping her wet hands on her jeans -- there aren't ever any paper towels in the bathrooms of clubs, fucking hell -- the way Lily's looking at her, the way Kathryn, sandwiched between two blonds -- for fuck's sake, could she be any more obvious, people may _recognize_ her -- keeps glancing over in Lily's direction. And Megan knows that Kathryn knows what's going on; Kat's the smart one, like it or not, the clever one. Of course, Megan thinks, it doesn't take a genius to realize what Kat's doing.

"I want you to stop," she says later, pulling Kathryn away from whoever the fuck it was she was dancing with now, dragging her into the bathroom.

"What, fuck off," Kathryn slurs, and Megan rolls her eyes.

"What you're doing, it's not right," Megan whispers furiously in Kathryn's ear, since she really doesn't want to risk the chance of Lily overhearing, if she followed them, wondering what was up. "You're not clever or cute or anything, okay? You don't get to break people's hearts."

Kat shoves her away. "Fuck off," she mumbles again, swaying a bit, eyes half closed. "Fuck off, Megan. I'm Emily. Fucking Emily Fitch."

It doesn't make any sense, really, though Megan thinks it probably makes some convoluted sense to Kathryn (she's like this anyway, even when she's sober; always speaking in fucking riddles, never really saying what she's thinking or how she feels, why can't she just ever fucking say what's on her mind). Kathryn dissolves into a fit of giggles, and Megan reaches out, grabs her by the arm, gripping her tightly. Kat makes a half-hearted attempt to pull away, but Meg holds her fast and Kathryn slumps against the tiled bathroom wall.

"You're such a fucking mess, Kathryn," Meg says, because Kat hates it when Megan calls her by her full name. "Let's fucking get you home, yeah? Long as you can manage to not pass out before we get there."

Lily looks up when the two of them cross the room to the bar, stopping in front of her.

"Kathryn needs to go home," Megan says, watches as Lily's eyes flick up and down Kat's body, as she pushes aside her half-empty glass, grabs her pack of fags and stands up.

"I'll take her," Lily says.

Megan presses her lips together, nods, lets Lily take Kathryn's hand in her own, threading their fingers together. She watches as Lily leads them both away, retrieving their coats from the front desk, pushing open the double set of doors to the club and stepping out into the night. It's only when they're out of sight does she relax, sighing, slumping her shoulders and leaning against the bar. Lily wants to be Kathryn's knight in shining armor; Megan thinks that the least she can do is let Lily walk a stupid and drunk Kat home. (Maybe she'll be sick all over Lily's new canary yellow trainers.)

And because she's all alone now, she calls Kaya. She doesn't like being alone.

 

;;

 

"Thanks," Lily says, a few weeks later.

Megan looks over at her, yawns and lies back down on the couch in their dressing room, closing her eyes. She's got a fucking headache -- she thinks she may be coming down with a cold, because she doesn't feel well, fuck it all -- and she almost wants to ask what it is Lily's got to be thankful for, but instead she says, "Yeah, sure. Whatever."

"Kat's nice," Lily says, a bit later. "Yeah, really nice. She's got a nice bedroom."

"And you've got a fucking boyfriend, Loveless," Megan says, without any sort of pretense. A pause. "So I guess we're all sorted now, huh?"

 

;;

 

Kathryn mopes around the house for a week after they finish filming. On the following Sunday, Megan's so fucking irritated that she tells Kat to either call Lily or not, to just be fucking done with it already. Kat gives her a sigh, a shrug of her shoulders, and later, kicks Meg in the shin when Meg refuses to get out of her room.

She thinks she may be making some sort of progress. Towards what, she's not sure.

 

;;

 

It's Kat's idea to have a birthday party for Lily.

She tries to keep it a surprise, but Kathryn can't keep a secret to save her life, so it ends up being a surprise party that Lily is very much aware of (but she's supposed to act surprised anyway; Megan makes her promise). It's also Kathryn's idea for there to be alcohol, massive amounts of it, because it's the fucking cheap kind and it takes a lot to get dunk off of it. Megan wonders why Kathryn just doesn't spend an equal amount of money and just buy some decent alcohol, but Kathryn tells her that's a stupid idea.

(It's only then that Megan remembers the night they all got together in the hotel, stripped down to just their underwear and jumped into the pool. That was the brand of beer they drank, two six packs smuggled in by Jack and Luke. Lily tripped and spilled hers all over the front of Kathryn's new blouse. It smelled like alcohol for two weeks after that.)

Much, much later, she's sitting in the garden having a smoke, feeling dizzy and hot from the alcohol and dancing. She rubs at her temple half-heartedly, sighing. The back door opens and Lily comes out, already lit up, cigarette between her lips. Megan gives her a lopsided grin and pats the empty seat on the bench beside her.

Lily sits down, rubs at her eyes, takes the longest drag of her cigarette that Megan's ever seen, lets the smoke out with a heavy sigh. Megan looks down at the grass, cool against her bare feet, leans back again, closing her eyes and tipping her head back.

"Happy Birthday, Lily," she says.

Lily chuckles, says, "Yeah, right, thanks."

She drops her hand, the one with her fag tucked between her middle and index fingers, puts her hand against Megan's. Megan doesn't pull away, decides to let the touch linger. It feels nice, sort of, kind of, not really how she expected it to feel, even if she's never really put that much thought into it.

"I like Kathryn," Lily says, after what feels like an eternity of silence.

"Everyone fucking likes Kathryn," Megan says.

 

;;

 

They kiss in the garden. It doesn't mean anything. It doesn't have to.

 

;;

 

Megan wakes up around five o'clock the next morning, her head pounding, feeling sick. She lies in bed and tries to think about anything aside from her hangover, with limited success. She's sick later, crying and wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, shaking, because she fucking hates throwing up, feeling her stomach twist into knots and her throat burn.

Kathryn's door is open partway. She doesn't want to spy on Kat, only, she sort of does, so she stands off to the side, near the wall, looks into Kat's room through the half-opened door. She watches as Kathryn smiles, kisses Lily's palm, her forehead, kisses her firmly on the mouth. Lily sighs and Megan thinks, fuck, it's too much now for her to fix this, whatever _this_ is, and suddenly she's struck with the knowledge that she really has no fucking clue what's going on.

And then her stomach twists into more anxious knots and she thinks, no, no, she's not like Katie at all, even if Lily's Naomi and Kathryn's Emily.

No, she's much different.


End file.
